For a 35 years old adult who cried in Avengers Infinity War ending (when I realised that Thanos acquired the Power Stones from the planet Xanda), I’ve been in a serious emotional state without any tears shed for some time now.
Today’s post is something from my personal diary. My own struggles and you know what? This post is not going to be a glamorous one.
Back to being over 35-years old single and childless woman in today’s modern society, I’ve realised that marriage and motherhood almost certainly isn’t the great panacea of life, after all. Being married with children isn’t an automatic ticket to any guarantee or happiness.
For my emotional state, I am in a good place, NOT bitter about life! Lonely? Nope. Secret grief? I wonder how I can grieve for something I never had in the first place.
I saw an old friend recently, someone I remember from university days I can’t remember us as a close friend back in the days on any level she asked me. Longest time ‘Hi’ you haven’t change much? Dear lord. She jumps straight to integration: ‘So, are you married ?’ Me: ‘No.’ Her: ‘But you have children?’ Me: ‘No.’ (disappointment look in her eyes) Her: ‘Oh. Ok, try and settle down or find someone.
I find it sad that the “old” Mentality, that when a woman grows up, she gets married, have kids and follows her husband to wherever is still a big deal today.
When I was a young teenage girl, I saw me of the future. Have a family before 28. I didn’t change that view until I cross 35 and now finding a New kind of Happiness.
Having been at my lowest point in the past, I used to blame myself for this and that before reaching a level of acceptance that helps me regain control of peace of mind.
I find it fundamentally wrong when some people make it their cup of tea to deep into personal questions like, “why are you not married” ” you are getting old” Society expectation at 35, if you are single and childless, there is an assumption that, something is wrong somehow, or perhaps you are hiding something.
Some of the problems in some community with a strong cultural and religious beliefs are that if a woman is over 30, and not married with children her life must probably be in shambles because she hasn’t started a family yet and others have moved on to do better.
The repeat question from some friends who are married with children and supposedly have everything working well in their life, (what is the point of chicanery?) As I grown older yearly, up, forward, or whatever, I have often imagined how the following names coped with these sort of questions – Condoleezza Rice, Oprah Winfrey, Jennifer Aniston, Ava DuVernay and Cicely Tyson – am glad they are all still alive.
To the universe, I am super thankful for this open heart article. (No you won’t believe some of the insensitive remarks that have been said to my face) I am not living with grief or any pain.
When next someone asked, “what is wrong with you”.
Oh. My. God. Hold me back, there is nothing ‘wrong’ with me.
For the record, This is not a touchy subject for me at all.
PHOTOGRAPHY // IAN ANDERSON
STYLING & MAKE-UP // SOPHIA OSHODIN